Your Alcoholic Loved One and the Holidays Part One

The holidays are coming soon and you cringe to think about interactions with your alcoholic loved one. You know holidays are one of those occasions when your alcoholic loved one lets loose and uses that as an excuse to drink more. It’s also a platform for embarrassing behavior and hurt feelings. In this series, I’ll discuss how to handle situations with an alcoholic loved one over the holidays. 


Scenario 1: You are in control over who comes over and who doesn’t. In this scenario, you don’t live with your alcoholic loved one. She may be your mother, sister, grandmother or adult daughter. He may be your father, brother, grandfather, uncle or adult son. You are hosting the holiday. It’s your choice as to whom to invite and whom not to invite, period. It’s your house, your space and your sanity that you should consider. You have the kindness to open your home to people for the holidays. You do not need to be put in a position where you feel uncomfortable in your own home. 

1. Do not feel guilty. If you don’t invite your alcoholic loved one, you should not feel guilty. You did not cause her alcoholism, you cannot control it, and you cannot make her stop.

2. Do explain to family members your choice.You want to create a happy and peaceful environment for all. You do not, however need to justify your choice. 

3. Tell your alcoholic loved one the following. “I love you and when you are in active recovery, you are welcome at family gatherings once again.” 

4. Be prepared for “victim” complaints.Your alcoholic loved one will give you reasons as to why you are mean, rude, and inconsiderate for not inviting him. Those are his ways he uses to try and manipulate you. Ignore them. He has a choice to actively seek recovery and if he hasn’t he is still choosing to drink.

Scenario 2: You need to invite your alcoholic loved one over your home. This scenario might include inviting your mother and father and one parent is an alcoholic who insists on coming with the other parent, or if your sister is coming with her alcoholic husband, for example. You can proclaim that the holidays at your home will be alcohol-free, no exceptions. The alcoholics in your family can opt not to come knowing that no alcohol will be present or tolerated. Enabling can mean, among other things, providing the drug of choice to the addict. So, if you don’t want the negative consequences of someone else’s drinking in your home, you can opt to have no alcohol. You have choices my friend. You don’t need to be ensnared in the trap of someone else’s drinking. Enjoy your holidays. Pray for those you love who are not yet sober. Please leave a question or comment below.
https://www.amazon.com/Help-Think-Loved-One-Alcoholic/dp/1539474321/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1481393748&sr=1-1&keywords=Help%21+I+Think+My+loved+One+is+an+Alcoholic
Love,
Michelle

Michelle Fondin, Author of Help! I Think My Loved One Is an Alcoholic: A Survival Guide for Lovers, Family and Friends  (available on Amazon & Audible, December 2, 2016)  & of The Wheel of Healing with Ayurveda: An Easy Guide to a Healthy Lifestyle (New World Library, 2015) 

Follow me on Twitter: https://twitter.com/alcoholicloved1
Connect with me on Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/alcoholicloved1/